I've always known I was blessed to have Sam Clark as a father. His real name is Robert; that's what I always loved telling people because it was like having a secret. I know him better than you, I'd think in my head. I don't even know if the story I tell is accurate; I'm sure it's tainted by years of me revealing my little secret to people who met my dad. "Yeah. His name is really Robert, but one time when he was little, the neighbor came over and asked how the boys were doing. My grandma responded "Oh Mark is napping, Steve is in the other room and Sam is playing." She just randomly said Sam, or so my story goes. And it just stuck. I think I change the story a little bit every time, but I enjoy it very much nonetheless.

Our family has always treasured our memories, and now more so than ever. The last few weeks have been difficult, as you may know. But the things that help the most are the memories we keep replaying and retelling; the love we continuously share: love that is felt through hand squeezes and eye contact; and the thoughts and prayers from all who care about us.

I was home for spring break and then again this past weekend for Easter. Things were very different both times and although it wasn't all totally unexpected, having heard regular updates from my mom and sister, it was still pretty shocking to see in person. My father is so strong, always has been. It is heart breaking to see that strength becoming dormant because the cancer has taken control over so much of his body. And yet he, through willpower and determination, would get himself around the house using the less-affected side of his body. Easter weekend, however, I went home to find a hospital bed in our living room and that is now dad's current habitat. I am so glad that he can at least be in our home, taken care of by my mom and comfortable for a majority of the time.
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I wrote the first part of this post at various times over this past week and I just couldn't bring myself to continue, finish or post it. It's hard to be here. As much as I love Knox, it is so hard to try and go on with life, even with all the good things that are in my life. I just plain care about them less. My heart is only so big. And right now especially it is full of my family.

I don't know what else to say except thank you. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, and especially the memories you've shared with my mom, sister and I.  I absolutely adore hearing stories of my father. Hearing people recall the way he would just hoot and holler at something he found especially funny. The sweet little things he did that we didn't always know about. I'm going to post one of them below- it's an excerpt from a comment on my mom's caring bridge guestbook (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/samclark1). This message meant so incredibly much to me and made my heart overflow with love and pride for my father.


I remember a day, long ago (Rachel was a 9th grader) when Sam came to school to talk to me about a situation Rachel was having where an older boy was blocking her locker in an intimidating way (said boy could be a real jerk at times, so she was right to be intimidated) and he wanted me to be aware of what was happening and to make sure we did something to stop this harassment.  Although I knew all of you at that time, I did not know Sam really at all.  After talking with him, I remember I had two thoughts:  the first was that he loved his daughters with a fierceness and would make sure they were safe and protected. The second thought was how lucky you all were and how great gals like the three of you deserved a Mountain of a Father and Husband like Sam. Over the years, at many school events, I continued to see you as a family and those original thoughts were verified over and over again.


This message was from an administrator from my high school and I honestly did not know of this story. If any of you have others, I would love to hear them! Even if it's just a short email message or something (raclark@knox.edu) it would really brighten my day :)  
Hope this message finds you all well.  I think I'm off to bed for the night. 
Until next time.  Hej hej.