I got another donation! Henceforth there shall be more embarrassment. Now...which story shall I tell?
The fake cockroach?
The REAL cockroach?
Getting lost and driving in circles in Peoria?
Getting "locked in" the park in Nice, France after dusk and all the French kids could say was "no. no....it's closed!" Oh and they could laugh.
Definitely the real cockroach one.
So this experience occurred only a few weeks ago (surprised that, even at this age, I still embarrass myself? Yeah, me too). Late one night, after both my roommates had gone to sleep, I finished up some work and headed for my bedroom. As I hit the doorway, I spotted something on the floor that made my stomach leap to my throat (I have a pretty large startle reflex). A giant cockroach. And I mean giant!! It would've been at least the length of my pinky finger...had I gotten closer enough to make that kind of comparison.
I was freaking out. The roach was close to underneath my bed, near some shoes, so I did not know what to do. I didn't want to scare it because then it would scram into the wilderness under the bed and I would never find it. Or it would crawl into my bed and eat me at night!! So by this point I had called Michael for moral support and also put on my roommate's super tall, very bright yellow rain boots. I am standing guard at my bedroom door, clad in unmatching pajamas with doubly unmatching rain boots, telling Michael I seriously do not know what to do. I can't kill it because I can't get close enough. Plus, it's huge!! I can't put something over it because I am not about to set one foot inside the doorway. And what would I do anyway, with a bowl that's covering a cockroach just handing out on the floor near my bed. No way would I even sleep in the same room as it. I took a picture and send it to Michael to assure him that this thing was huge and I was only partially overreacting. I think he agreed, although he was pretty sure he could have taken care of it for me had it been here.
I was pacing back and forth between my room and the kitchen (quite loudly, apparently), trembling in my rain boots (well, Lauren's rain boots), not sure if I should call the police or the SWAT team. Or at least my friend Jayson. I figured he'd know what to do with it.
I was still on the phone with Michael, convinced I was either going to have to be incredibly brave and take a literal stab at it or totally wimp out and call someone.
As I stared at the horrible huge insect, I had a passing thought that maybe it wasn't a cockroach. In an instant I realized it might actually be a feather. I realized that I did in fact have these interesting blueish/blackish feathers from the mask I made for the burlesque dance I was in....the roach was kind of the same shape as the feathers. And about the right size.
Regardless of this very rational thought, I still couldn't bring myself to actually go into my room.
My ensuing thought process:
It might be a feather.
No.
Definitely a cockroach.
A horrible cockroach!!
Or maybe a feather.
Ok, it's probably a feather.
Definitely a feather.
But it still could maybe be a cockroach?
I finally got close enough to see that yes, it was in fact a feather. It still took me 10 minutes to get close enough to poke it with a pencil. And then I finally took the rain boots off. And then I eventually, probably 30 minutes after the whole ordeal started, picked up the feather cockroach and threw it away.
I suppose I wasn't actually embarrassed in front of anyone except Michael. And the SWAT team I almost called.
And now all of you.
Oh wait, that was the fake cockroach story after all ;) Hope you enjoyed it!
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