Straight from my random thoughts journal:
"I hope road trips don't go out of style, because of gas prices and all. I want to eventually be able to take my family on road trips. Also, always wash the windshield when you stop to get gas."
That's actually my favorite part. Washing the windshield. When I was little and we'd be driving to Grandma's or a vacation, or really anywhere further away than central Iowa, I remember dad washing the windshield when we'd stop to get gas. And in my little kid eyes, it looked like magic. He was so precise and it was always spotless when he finished. I really have no idea where my obsession with this action came from, but I vividly remember being entranced as he scrubbed the windshield and then dried it, row by row, one half of the windshield and then the other, pausing to shake the water off the squeegee thing after every row. I just loved how spotless it made my view. Everything looked so much brighter and more pleasant after my dad was done with it. Right about now I could definitely go into a really lovely metaphor about how washing our metaphorical windshield can make life look brighter. But I won't. Because that was never my intention. I literally just wanted to remind myself to wash the actual windshield and to enjoy the car rides.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
Apparently it's the most exciting weekend in Iowa City...
And I'm drinking orange juice, sitting on my exercise ball, writing in my blog. And I am totally content.
Sorry it's been so very long since I've updated. Multiple times this week I've inner monologue-ed blog posts in my head...while riding my bike, while I should be reading articles for classes, even while showering. But for whatever reason, none of those incredibly exciting posts have actually come to transcribed fruition. So it's about time.
Remember that post that was "a whirlwind of honesty"? This will be a little like that. Now you can't say you haven't had a fair warning.
The last two weeks have been odd. Two weekends ago, on Saturday, I had the good fortune of having my boyfriend and his family visit Iowa City. And then on Sunday I had the really terrible fortune of realizing I needed to break up with him. As a general rule in my life, I avoid break ups as much as possible. This, in the past, has translated into me being in weird "fake" relationships, because it seems like the break ups just aren't as painful. Well this was a real relationship, and hence, the break up was indeed painful. It was a terribly hard decision to make because a lot of things about the relationship were irrefutably good. This charming, caring boy had been there for me during one of the hardest times in my life. He made me laugh, he choreographed a really sweet dance that I got to be in, he kept me company during some of my longest nights of studying as I tried to graduate. All in all I am incredibly grateful to him for being there.
But even good things must come to an end. And I knew that was the case when I started to not feel like myself. I felt like I was compromising what I always dreamt of having because there wasn't as much communication, mutual respect, or understanding as I wanted. And perhaps at a time when I wasn't still reeling from losing my father, I could've handled all of that. But the "what if"s aren't important. Because I am still reeling. I am discombobulated and jambled and confused and heart broken from having to learn to live without the person I got one of my X chromosomes, and so much more, from.
And so I broke up with him. And thus began the downward tail spin. I don't exactly know what happened but within the span of 36 hours after said break up, I felt like I hit rock bottom. Now, I might be exaggerating. There are plenty of other things that could go wrong in my life, and I am grateful many of them haven't, but I at least hit faux-rock bottom. I was distracted, unpleasant to be around, surprisingly nauseous, constantly suppressing tears and being annoyed with that funny feeling you get in your throat when you try to stop the tears. The future looked bleak. I felt so lonely without constantly texting him random comments and being a part of conversations that spanned whole days and yet barely said anything. It was all just so strange.
Because I felt like dealing with this breakup should have been so minuscule compared to the huge loss I experienced a few months ago, I think the utter surprise of feeling so hurt and lonely just compounded my emotional experience, which was already shaky, given my current grieving situation. And suddenly it all turned into mourning my father in a way that I had not done yet. Because before I always at least felt like I had that one person to go to. Now I know, beyond a doubt, that at any time of the day or night, I have tons of people I could call or message and they would talk, listen, sympathize and tell me comforting things. But because we, monogamous humans, are made the way we are, having that one person who has a special, romantic interest in you, is just different from all the other relationships. And I see now that I put way too much reliance on having that relationship make me feel better. This is not to say that I did not mourn this past spring, while I was at Knox. I did. But this break up just made the feelings rush out again and surround me in a way that I had not quite experienced before.
I hate the phrase "hot mess". But, man, I was a hot mess. I guess when a relationship is really worth it, the end hurts.
So here's the inevitable silver lining. I eventually picked myself up from that faux-rock bottom, dusted the faux-rock dust of my pants and gave myself a good talking to. Am I totally over it now? No. Do I want to be? No. I am lucky I had a relationship that was worth enough to be upset over its ending. However, it is time to move on in the sense of "being me." Allow me one cliche for the evening. I need to find myself. I don't know where I lost me, but in the hustle and bustle of readjusting my life, in so many domains, I did manage to somehow lose track of who I am and who I want to be. And now begins the challenging task of refiguring all of that out. I want to be a hard-worker, passionate, caring, generous, thoughtful, energetic and loving. I want to re-start waking up before the sun (multiple times this week!); I want to regain the strength I had during my first years in college; I want to stay focused and driven while working in lab and I desperately want to stay on top of my insane amounts of reading. Success in all these areas is perhaps not entirely realistic, but at the very least, it is still helpful for me to recognize them as goals of my current life.
Woah, I did not mean to spend this entire blog post being all sappy and relationship-centered, but my eyes are dozing off and I'm going to start typing really weird stuff if I do not wrap this up quickly. I promise to have another post soonish that will be way less emotional and way more "words, and other interesting tidbits, from the daily life of Rachel Clark." If you did make it this far, thanks for sticking with me :)
Oh and happy Cy-Hawk rivalry game tomorrow!! Maybe I'll post a picture in the next entry of the outfit that I have I picked out especially for tomorrow's event. My main strategy is to accessorize with yellow/gold. Can't go wrong there!
Sorry it's been so very long since I've updated. Multiple times this week I've inner monologue-ed blog posts in my head...while riding my bike, while I should be reading articles for classes, even while showering. But for whatever reason, none of those incredibly exciting posts have actually come to transcribed fruition. So it's about time.
Remember that post that was "a whirlwind of honesty"? This will be a little like that. Now you can't say you haven't had a fair warning.
The last two weeks have been odd. Two weekends ago, on Saturday, I had the good fortune of having my boyfriend and his family visit Iowa City. And then on Sunday I had the really terrible fortune of realizing I needed to break up with him. As a general rule in my life, I avoid break ups as much as possible. This, in the past, has translated into me being in weird "fake" relationships, because it seems like the break ups just aren't as painful. Well this was a real relationship, and hence, the break up was indeed painful. It was a terribly hard decision to make because a lot of things about the relationship were irrefutably good. This charming, caring boy had been there for me during one of the hardest times in my life. He made me laugh, he choreographed a really sweet dance that I got to be in, he kept me company during some of my longest nights of studying as I tried to graduate. All in all I am incredibly grateful to him for being there.
But even good things must come to an end. And I knew that was the case when I started to not feel like myself. I felt like I was compromising what I always dreamt of having because there wasn't as much communication, mutual respect, or understanding as I wanted. And perhaps at a time when I wasn't still reeling from losing my father, I could've handled all of that. But the "what if"s aren't important. Because I am still reeling. I am discombobulated and jambled and confused and heart broken from having to learn to live without the person I got one of my X chromosomes, and so much more, from.
And so I broke up with him. And thus began the downward tail spin. I don't exactly know what happened but within the span of 36 hours after said break up, I felt like I hit rock bottom. Now, I might be exaggerating. There are plenty of other things that could go wrong in my life, and I am grateful many of them haven't, but I at least hit faux-rock bottom. I was distracted, unpleasant to be around, surprisingly nauseous, constantly suppressing tears and being annoyed with that funny feeling you get in your throat when you try to stop the tears. The future looked bleak. I felt so lonely without constantly texting him random comments and being a part of conversations that spanned whole days and yet barely said anything. It was all just so strange.
Because I felt like dealing with this breakup should have been so minuscule compared to the huge loss I experienced a few months ago, I think the utter surprise of feeling so hurt and lonely just compounded my emotional experience, which was already shaky, given my current grieving situation. And suddenly it all turned into mourning my father in a way that I had not done yet. Because before I always at least felt like I had that one person to go to. Now I know, beyond a doubt, that at any time of the day or night, I have tons of people I could call or message and they would talk, listen, sympathize and tell me comforting things. But because we, monogamous humans, are made the way we are, having that one person who has a special, romantic interest in you, is just different from all the other relationships. And I see now that I put way too much reliance on having that relationship make me feel better. This is not to say that I did not mourn this past spring, while I was at Knox. I did. But this break up just made the feelings rush out again and surround me in a way that I had not quite experienced before.
I hate the phrase "hot mess". But, man, I was a hot mess. I guess when a relationship is really worth it, the end hurts.
So here's the inevitable silver lining. I eventually picked myself up from that faux-rock bottom, dusted the faux-rock dust of my pants and gave myself a good talking to. Am I totally over it now? No. Do I want to be? No. I am lucky I had a relationship that was worth enough to be upset over its ending. However, it is time to move on in the sense of "being me." Allow me one cliche for the evening. I need to find myself. I don't know where I lost me, but in the hustle and bustle of readjusting my life, in so many domains, I did manage to somehow lose track of who I am and who I want to be. And now begins the challenging task of refiguring all of that out. I want to be a hard-worker, passionate, caring, generous, thoughtful, energetic and loving. I want to re-start waking up before the sun (multiple times this week!); I want to regain the strength I had during my first years in college; I want to stay focused and driven while working in lab and I desperately want to stay on top of my insane amounts of reading. Success in all these areas is perhaps not entirely realistic, but at the very least, it is still helpful for me to recognize them as goals of my current life.
Woah, I did not mean to spend this entire blog post being all sappy and relationship-centered, but my eyes are dozing off and I'm going to start typing really weird stuff if I do not wrap this up quickly. I promise to have another post soonish that will be way less emotional and way more "words, and other interesting tidbits, from the daily life of Rachel Clark." If you did make it this far, thanks for sticking with me :)
Oh and happy Cy-Hawk rivalry game tomorrow!! Maybe I'll post a picture in the next entry of the outfit that I have I picked out especially for tomorrow's event. My main strategy is to accessorize with yellow/gold. Can't go wrong there!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Cardigans and jargon
1. I bought new cardigans. Two of them! (Re: the middle of Aug. 15's post)
2. New words of the week
dysarthria: impairment in the motor-speech system that results in difficulty articulating
malinger: feigning illness (in the context of using neuropychological assessments to determine if one is truly impaired or is "faking it")
gliosis: growth or production of astrocyctes in areas where damage has occurred in the nervous system
masticatory: relating to the act of chewing (often times a description of abnormal behavior rats engage in after brain damage or surgical tissue resection)
interictal: the time period or interval between seizures or convulsions
congener: organisms within the same genus
3. I don't have a third thing.
Oh I guess this can be my third thing: I survived my first week of graduate school (and enjoyed almost all of it), think my classmates are super rad and have gained one pant size because my legs are so much bigger from all this bike riding. Weird.
Happy Saturday!
2. New words of the week
dysarthria: impairment in the motor-speech system that results in difficulty articulating
malinger: feigning illness (in the context of using neuropychological assessments to determine if one is truly impaired or is "faking it")
gliosis: growth or production of astrocyctes in areas where damage has occurred in the nervous system
masticatory: relating to the act of chewing (often times a description of abnormal behavior rats engage in after brain damage or surgical tissue resection)
interictal: the time period or interval between seizures or convulsions
congener: organisms within the same genus
3. I don't have a third thing.
Oh I guess this can be my third thing: I survived my first week of graduate school (and enjoyed almost all of it), think my classmates are super rad and have gained one pant size because my legs are so much bigger from all this bike riding. Weird.
Happy Saturday!
Monday, August 20, 2012
The thin line between a bamf and an idiot
First and foremost, I apologize profusely for the implied swearing. I do my best not to swear often, but sometimes nothing else seems to fit the bill well enough. This is one of those times. If you prefer, instead of what bamf actually means, feel free to imagine that it means "big and manly female". That will work.
Also, before I start, here are two things I learned today:
1) It's hard to ride a bike in wedges. You know, those shoes that pretend like they are heels, but really aren't because they are more practical and more comfortable. Super cute. But unfortunately, not bike friendly.
2) Wearing a backpack, no matter how light, exacerbates the sweating that occurs pretty much anytime one rides a bike. Jeans have the same effect, to an even greater degree.
Now on to the story...
Today was quite the busy day as it was the first "morning meeting", which is a 7:30 am meeting every Monday and Friday with various presentations, which is attended by neuro grad students, clinical faculty and physicians, lab techs and the PIs of other labs. (PI stands for principal investigator and it's basically the person in charge of his or her own lab) Ok, so I was at morning meeting and then I started working in my rotation lab. I finally have papers to read and understand!
Skip forward a few hours, to when I left lab to eat my lunch quickly (pb and j sandwich, rice cake and fruit salad...dining like a king :)...and then I had a chiropractor appointment. I got a random neck injury on Friday and I've been waiting for it to get better and it just hasn't healed completely so I went to get it checked out at this new place.
I left right from work so it was me, my bike, my backpack and my iPod, setting out on this adventure. Google maps told me the office was about 3.5 miles away from downtown, which was accurate. Google maps did not tell me, however that most of it was uphill and also across I-80. Well, it did tell me that part but I didn't realize there would not be a legitimate bike lane or sidewalk on both sides of the road that overpassed the interstate. So there I am, in cute grey wedges, my nice jeans, a nicer-than-a-tshirt top, backpack safely bucked on, riding my bike alongside cars going at least 35 mph, if not faster. I was slightly intimidated, until I remembered that I did the equivalent of this nearly every day in Denmark. Then it was a piece of cake.
I made it safely, though when I arrived I was unfortunately much sweatier than I would have preferred. But despite my embarassment, I was rather proud of the accomplishment.
Apparently riding your bike for 6 miles-round trip gives one plenty of time to think. Here's what I decided to think about. I believe there is a fine line between being supremely awesome and taking the day by storm (a.k.a. being a bamf), and being a total idiot. And I've decided this line, today, was my helmet. I know this sounds super dorky but hear me out. I gotta admit it, riding in jeans and wedges was not my brightest idea. And was more than a little bit uncomfortable. BUT since I had my backpack tightly buckled across my chest and my helmet securely fastened on my head, at least I looked like I knew what I was doing. I looked ready for adventure, albeit poorly dressed for said adventure. Who knows what all the Iowa City-ians thought as they drove past me, swerving to the other lane to avoid hitting the crazy biker on the side of the road, but I'll admit I felt somewhat invincible. Invincible and sharply dressed. Not a bad feeling. But that's when the realization came that if I would not have had my helmet to show just how dedicated I am to not screwing up this brain that I've worked so hard for and my backpack to show I mean business, I really would've just looked utterly ridiculous. Don't you think? So that was my exciting experience of the day.
And what, might you ask, does a bike-riding bamf do when she gets home from her adventurous day? She naps.
Also, before I start, here are two things I learned today:
1) It's hard to ride a bike in wedges. You know, those shoes that pretend like they are heels, but really aren't because they are more practical and more comfortable. Super cute. But unfortunately, not bike friendly.
2) Wearing a backpack, no matter how light, exacerbates the sweating that occurs pretty much anytime one rides a bike. Jeans have the same effect, to an even greater degree.
Now on to the story...
Today was quite the busy day as it was the first "morning meeting", which is a 7:30 am meeting every Monday and Friday with various presentations, which is attended by neuro grad students, clinical faculty and physicians, lab techs and the PIs of other labs. (PI stands for principal investigator and it's basically the person in charge of his or her own lab) Ok, so I was at morning meeting and then I started working in my rotation lab. I finally have papers to read and understand!
Skip forward a few hours, to when I left lab to eat my lunch quickly (pb and j sandwich, rice cake and fruit salad...dining like a king :)...and then I had a chiropractor appointment. I got a random neck injury on Friday and I've been waiting for it to get better and it just hasn't healed completely so I went to get it checked out at this new place.
I left right from work so it was me, my bike, my backpack and my iPod, setting out on this adventure. Google maps told me the office was about 3.5 miles away from downtown, which was accurate. Google maps did not tell me, however that most of it was uphill and also across I-80. Well, it did tell me that part but I didn't realize there would not be a legitimate bike lane or sidewalk on both sides of the road that overpassed the interstate. So there I am, in cute grey wedges, my nice jeans, a nicer-than-a-tshirt top, backpack safely bucked on, riding my bike alongside cars going at least 35 mph, if not faster. I was slightly intimidated, until I remembered that I did the equivalent of this nearly every day in Denmark. Then it was a piece of cake.
I made it safely, though when I arrived I was unfortunately much sweatier than I would have preferred. But despite my embarassment, I was rather proud of the accomplishment.
Apparently riding your bike for 6 miles-round trip gives one plenty of time to think. Here's what I decided to think about. I believe there is a fine line between being supremely awesome and taking the day by storm (a.k.a. being a bamf), and being a total idiot. And I've decided this line, today, was my helmet. I know this sounds super dorky but hear me out. I gotta admit it, riding in jeans and wedges was not my brightest idea. And was more than a little bit uncomfortable. BUT since I had my backpack tightly buckled across my chest and my helmet securely fastened on my head, at least I looked like I knew what I was doing. I looked ready for adventure, albeit poorly dressed for said adventure. Who knows what all the Iowa City-ians thought as they drove past me, swerving to the other lane to avoid hitting the crazy biker on the side of the road, but I'll admit I felt somewhat invincible. Invincible and sharply dressed. Not a bad feeling. But that's when the realization came that if I would not have had my helmet to show just how dedicated I am to not screwing up this brain that I've worked so hard for and my backpack to show I mean business, I really would've just looked utterly ridiculous. Don't you think? So that was my exciting experience of the day.
And what, might you ask, does a bike-riding bamf do when she gets home from her adventurous day? She naps.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I'm not usually wrong. But when I am...it's about this.
When I was younger I was convinced that I'd be a very good loner. I could live in the mountains, in a gorgeous house surrounded by beautiful landscaping, complete with stainless steel appliances and the coolest shower available...Oh and the most important part, in all of these fun fantasies, I'd be all by my lonesome. I dreamt of spending my time working out, doing academic work and then sitting in a hammock, simply relaxing. Obviously this is a ridiculous proposition. And I knew it wasn't actually going to happen. But I thought, naively, that living like that would make me very happy.
And some of it would have.
But after some major thought, I've decided that after about the first week, I would be miserable. Because I like people.
And maybe that's the major game changer. I didn't used to like people. I mean, I had friends, whom I liked. And I liked some other people. But I didn't used to glean quite so much enjoyment from just being with and talking to people, as I do now.
I'll still admit I don't adore every single person I encounter. But I do give each person a chance, and I think I give people a lot more credit than I used to. And they totally deserve it. I think I just used to be too cynical. I'd say it's a new and improved me that (as often as I can) starts with a general like and appreciation for each person. And I've found that's a much better way to live.
Just something I've been thinking about lately.
On another totally random note, today I decided to buy some new notebooks. One is for "Words previously unknown by Rachel". It's basically a dictionary of words I encounter that I don't understand. Even if it's a word I recognize, if I am unable to come up with a reasonable definition, it goes in the notebook. Then, when I have the chance, I'll look up the definitions and fill in the blanks in the notebook. I got so lucky as to happen upon a cute little A-to-Z notebook that has beautiful typefont background of a letter on each page. So the words just get written on the correct page and then I don't have to do any more rearranging or anything. It is pretty fabulous. There must be at least 15 total words already, most of which I just learned this evening. And thus begins the process of expanding my vocabulary.
Secondly, at this same cute store, I bought two little blank page notebooks. These are my "random thoughts" notebooks. Whenever I have a totally random thought that I feel should be remembered, or at least acknowledged, I'll jot it down and date it. For some reason I had multiple of these thoughts today. I think it was because I drank a cup of coffee this morning (thanks to my coffee-making-and-drinking roommate Katie :), so that I wouldn't fall asleep at the workshop (success!) However, that extra jolt this morning did lead me to a slightly more distractible state of mind. Here are just two of the jotted down ideas from today...
~ Buy more cardigans
~ need to dance. find a way.
~ remember to tell Katie about the dream about Scooter (my cat)
~ buy a notebook for unknown words (Success!)
For whatever reason, it is strangely satisfying to see what could have been a fleeting thought become a physical entity that exists on the perfectly white page of the pretty pink notebook. It's just nice.
Think that's all for today. I've been biking a lot these days so I'm a bit more worn out by the time I get into bed at night. Which is now. And therefore, goodnight all :)
P.S. (see title of post) I'll admit it, I am wrong some other times. I don't know about what yet. But I know it happens.......occasionally :)
P.S. (see title of post) I'll admit it, I am wrong some other times. I don't know about what yet. But I know it happens.......occasionally :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Today's agenda
Today's Agenda: Monday, Orientation Week
-Official first meeting with program director and fellow incoming students. Status: Check
-Keep myself busy/maybe be productive between meetings. Status: In progress.
Here's what I've done thus far.
Ate lunch in hospital lobby, tried to get connected to internet to work on this online class I need to complete. Failed- no internet connection.
Sat in a coffee shop, drank iced tea and started the class. But then I got hungry and felt it would be inappropriate to eat my homemade sandwich inside the cafe.
So I walked to the public library and sat outside and tried to connect to the internet. Another failure.
Finally I came inside (where I currently am) and tried to continue watching the videos for the course but it keeps freezing like 4 minutes in. So now I'm just writing my thoughts because what else am I going to do until this next meeting in an hour? Well, I do have one idea. But I probably don't need to get in the habit of getting fro-yo every single time I'm downtown.
Next-
-Meeting to register for classes. Status: In one hour. I think I have them figured out. We have 2 required classes (Foundations of Neurobiology and Foundations of Neuropsychology), an optional molecular/cellular class which I may take, and then possibly space for one elective. Then we have lab rotations and research work on top of that. I am pumped though because I got approved to work in Michelle Voss's lab (who I've been talking to and hoping to work with since about February of this year) and I was also assigned an academic mentor and a grad student mentor as well. I was very pleased when the director said Melissa Duff (who I worked with last summer) could be my advisor and my student mentor is a girl I met during Interview week who is friendly, a little crazy, really fun and apparently quite successful and smart. So basically, I have a dream team of academic advisors/mentors/lab professors :)
After that meeting I will be done with meetings for the day so I'm going to head home and finish this online course (which has not worked at all in the twenty or so minutes that I've been sitting here writing this) and I think my roommates and I will rearrange our living room, because we now have an awesome couch!
Oh, speaking of my apartment, my 3rd roommate, Lauren, moved in yesterday. She was the one who originally found this apartment and then had a profile online that I found. She is incredibly nice (as is her family) and I'm thrilled I got so lucky with these two great roommates. All three of us seem to get along well already and I can't wait to hear how their first days today went also. Maybe I'll post some pictures of the apt once it gets finished.
I better head back to my bike so I can get to the other side of the river for my meeting. Happy Monday, everyone!
-Official first meeting with program director and fellow incoming students. Status: Check
-Keep myself busy/maybe be productive between meetings. Status: In progress.
Here's what I've done thus far.
Ate lunch in hospital lobby, tried to get connected to internet to work on this online class I need to complete. Failed- no internet connection.
Sat in a coffee shop, drank iced tea and started the class. But then I got hungry and felt it would be inappropriate to eat my homemade sandwich inside the cafe.
So I walked to the public library and sat outside and tried to connect to the internet. Another failure.
Finally I came inside (where I currently am) and tried to continue watching the videos for the course but it keeps freezing like 4 minutes in. So now I'm just writing my thoughts because what else am I going to do until this next meeting in an hour? Well, I do have one idea. But I probably don't need to get in the habit of getting fro-yo every single time I'm downtown.
Next-
-Meeting to register for classes. Status: In one hour. I think I have them figured out. We have 2 required classes (Foundations of Neurobiology and Foundations of Neuropsychology), an optional molecular/cellular class which I may take, and then possibly space for one elective. Then we have lab rotations and research work on top of that. I am pumped though because I got approved to work in Michelle Voss's lab (who I've been talking to and hoping to work with since about February of this year) and I was also assigned an academic mentor and a grad student mentor as well. I was very pleased when the director said Melissa Duff (who I worked with last summer) could be my advisor and my student mentor is a girl I met during Interview week who is friendly, a little crazy, really fun and apparently quite successful and smart. So basically, I have a dream team of academic advisors/mentors/lab professors :)
After that meeting I will be done with meetings for the day so I'm going to head home and finish this online course (which has not worked at all in the twenty or so minutes that I've been sitting here writing this) and I think my roommates and I will rearrange our living room, because we now have an awesome couch!
Oh, speaking of my apartment, my 3rd roommate, Lauren, moved in yesterday. She was the one who originally found this apartment and then had a profile online that I found. She is incredibly nice (as is her family) and I'm thrilled I got so lucky with these two great roommates. All three of us seem to get along well already and I can't wait to hear how their first days today went also. Maybe I'll post some pictures of the apt once it gets finished.
I better head back to my bike so I can get to the other side of the river for my meeting. Happy Monday, everyone!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Short and sweet
This has to be short because I am pathetically tired after my first real day of anything academic, but I'm forcing myself to write because 1) I do actually enjoy it and 2) I don't want to get in the habit of putting it off. Today was indeed my first official day. Kind of. I'm taking part in a workshop on functional magnetic resonance imaging (fmri), something I have very little experience with, but a considerable amount of interest in. I was for sure the youngest and least experienced person there, which is simultaneously overwhelming and relieving. I kind of feel like it's okay that this is all going way over my head because I'm just a lowly first year grad student. I can't really be expected to understand all the jargon and programming details, can I? Then again, it is a little scary seeing the breadth and depth of stuff I will hopefully be familiar with in just a few short years. The day consisted of 3 lectures in the morning (I'll admit it, I was dozing a wee bit by the third one. Perhaps coffee is in my forecast tomorrow), and then two workshops. One of which I followed decently well (super cool imaging program called Slicer, for any of my nerdy friends) and the other, during which I got lost about half way through and spent the rest of the time just trying to fake it till I made it. All in all, I survived. And felt a little grown up in the process.
However, I have to admit this morning was not the perfect morning for my epic appearance on the graduate school scene. Here is approximately how my continuous 3rd person pep talk went...all in my head of course. (I'm "graduate student", in case that's not clear)
Well graduate student, here you are. Setting off for your first big day. In a nice shirt...and gym shorts. That's ok, you look super cool. Thank goodness the rain has stopped just in time for you to ride your bike. You forgot to grab your seat cover? Well you'll have a wet butt, so good thing you are going to change into your jeans when you get there. Just don't ride too fast, otherwise you'll get all sweaty and out of breath and you'll look silly for the rest of the day. You know everyone will judge you if your makeup smudges and your hair is a little frizzy.
Ok, you're half way there. You realize you are taking the least efficient route to get there, right? Why on earth did you just ride in front of the hospital instead of crossing at that light? You should know this area better. It's ok, just smile, grad student, and everyone will think you know what you are doing. They have no idea that you don't have a clue and that you feel ridiculous.
You made it to the right building and your bike is locked up, great! Wait...how about you do that again and actually lock it to the post this time, eh? That'd be helpful. (Opps)
Nice work walking up those stairs that went who knows where, you smartypants, and even better job walking back down them and standing there awkwardly until someone else "neuro-y" walked by so you could follow them up to the room. They have no idea you almost went the wrong way...3 times!
At least you've made it to the right room. Oh no! Everyone is wearing khakis or nice pants. Crap!! Feeling a little silly in your jeans now, aren't you? Well, at least the men aren't wearing ties.
Okay...you can relax now, nervous grad student. You've made it to the workshop, you have a name tag, you have a computer to sit at and...lo and behold...someone else is wearing jeans too :)
So that really was my train of thought this morning as I did pretty much everything wrong before finally making it successfully to the right place. I guess the whole nervous thing is to be expected and honestly, I doubt anyone else noticed any of my little mistakes (except that janitor who chuckled when I walked up the stairs...and promptly back down them). Overall I have to say the day could've gone much worse :)
I better get to sleep now so tomorrow's lectures get a little more attention from me then the ones today did. Let's all hope for some more adventures tomorrow...otherwise what am I going to ramble on here about? Goodnight.
However, I have to admit this morning was not the perfect morning for my epic appearance on the graduate school scene. Here is approximately how my continuous 3rd person pep talk went...all in my head of course. (I'm "graduate student", in case that's not clear)
Well graduate student, here you are. Setting off for your first big day. In a nice shirt...and gym shorts. That's ok, you look super cool. Thank goodness the rain has stopped just in time for you to ride your bike. You forgot to grab your seat cover? Well you'll have a wet butt, so good thing you are going to change into your jeans when you get there. Just don't ride too fast, otherwise you'll get all sweaty and out of breath and you'll look silly for the rest of the day. You know everyone will judge you if your makeup smudges and your hair is a little frizzy.
Ok, you're half way there. You realize you are taking the least efficient route to get there, right? Why on earth did you just ride in front of the hospital instead of crossing at that light? You should know this area better. It's ok, just smile, grad student, and everyone will think you know what you are doing. They have no idea that you don't have a clue and that you feel ridiculous.
You made it to the right building and your bike is locked up, great! Wait...how about you do that again and actually lock it to the post this time, eh? That'd be helpful. (Opps)
Nice work walking up those stairs that went who knows where, you smartypants, and even better job walking back down them and standing there awkwardly until someone else "neuro-y" walked by so you could follow them up to the room. They have no idea you almost went the wrong way...3 times!
At least you've made it to the right room. Oh no! Everyone is wearing khakis or nice pants. Crap!! Feeling a little silly in your jeans now, aren't you? Well, at least the men aren't wearing ties.
Okay...you can relax now, nervous grad student. You've made it to the workshop, you have a name tag, you have a computer to sit at and...lo and behold...someone else is wearing jeans too :)
So that really was my train of thought this morning as I did pretty much everything wrong before finally making it successfully to the right place. I guess the whole nervous thing is to be expected and honestly, I doubt anyone else noticed any of my little mistakes (except that janitor who chuckled when I walked up the stairs...and promptly back down them). Overall I have to say the day could've gone much worse :)
I better get to sleep now so tomorrow's lectures get a little more attention from me then the ones today did. Let's all hope for some more adventures tomorrow...otherwise what am I going to ramble on here about? Goodnight.
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